Horoscopes for October 3, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   You are the only one. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) When ever you think about chocolate you will get weak in the knees. You should wear appropriate padding today. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) The stars have deemed you worthy of an extra helping of fairy dust today. Yay! Sparkles! Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You should always look before you leap. Too bad you didn’t get this news earlier. Aries (March 21 – April 19) When it comes to matters of the heart, you should keep your mouth shut and your ears open. you can use all of the help that you can get. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Take your mother’s advice and make sure to wear clean undies today. You never know who may see em when you take a spill later. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Once there was a boy with no friends. he grew up to be a buttface who still had no friends. Access your life and make the necessary changes. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Hand over all of your assignments on time and you will be rewarded handsomely. Ahhhhh, cookies. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Spare us the pitiful excuses and take some real action. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Take charge and direct your own life for a change. Time to stop being an extra. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Be nice to random people. One day someone will return the favor when you need it the most. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Believe in the power of nothing. Cause that is what you will get today. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Nobody will ever think that your secret identity is that of a ninja assassin. did you even know?]]]]> ]]>