Horoscopes for November 1, 2011

If today is your birthday: So, what. Only your parents really care. And you, we are sure you care too. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Believe in what you want to believe in. the truth will eventually come to light. You will wither be proven to be a genius for being right or be proven wrong and be mocked and ridiculed for you ignorance. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Many will think that you are insane for trying such a crazy stunt. We think you are brave, but stupid. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Nobody cares, so keep your problems to yourself. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Today will be canceled due to lack of interest. Feel free to go back to bed. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Don’t buy into the hype and propaganda. You are, in fact, not the king of the world. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You will be hot then cold. Better get the thermostat fixed. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Modern science has no explanation for you. Time to figure out the answers on your own. Take notes. Leo (July 23 – August 22) That cramp in your side is a sign that you should stand downwind. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will not get that promotion at work. We will keep you business private on the reason why, but everybody already knows. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You will probably spend it drunk and hung over. Move along, nothing new here to see. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Keep on keeping on. that is the best that you can expect from today. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) That spot on your arm is the beginning of something very nasty. Keep it covered, nobody wants to see that.]]]]> ]]>