Horoscopes for November 11, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!!!  This is the specialest birthday you will ever have!  Celebrate it at 11:11:11 on 11-11-11! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Breathe.  It does get better at some point. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Slow down a little.  We know it’s hard for you to slow down any more than you already are, but believe us…  You need to do that today. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) We believe in you.  We thought that you should know that.  Nobody else does, but we do! Aries (March 21 – April 19) Compliance is the first step to being assimilated.  Be a rebel! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Smell everything.  Something isn’t right! Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Build a snowman.  We know it’s not snowing.  Why should that stop you!?!? Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Verily we say unto thee…  “DUCK!” Leo (July 23 – August 22) Borrowing money from Peter to pay Paul is a really bad idea!  Peter’s an enforcer for the mob and Paul is the guy trying to knock him off! Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Glamorous things are in store.  They’re not in your closet because there’s a severe lack of money in your wallet! Libra (September 23 – October 22) X-Ray vision is your wish.   Don’t you know that you need radiation for x-ray vision and that radiation in your eye will blind you.  Go wish for something else, something that won’t kill you OR ruin your life! Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Beware the rats! Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Ponder the mysteries of the universe by staying at home today!]]]]> ]]>