Horoscopes for February 5, 2011

If today is your birthday: If your grass were emo, it would cut itself.  Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) The groove is, in fact, in the heart.  Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If your house gets blown in to Oz, your get to pick who it lands on.  Pisces (February 19 – March 20) You will not know how to feel today. Aren’t you upset at yourself for throwing away your mood ring.  Aries (March 21 – April 19) You should make sure you aren’t actually speaking out loud when you are griping about your boss.  Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Assuming everybody hates you is just ridiculous. You couldn’t have possibly met everybody.  Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Today may not be the day to talk about your hemorrhoids on Facebook.  Cancer (June 21 – July 22) With great power comes a great big electric bill.  Leo (July 23 – August 22) Put on your 3D glassed and tell everyone how real everything looks.  Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Learn the meaning of courtesy flush. You may need this knowledge later today. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Pressing the escape key frantically does nothing in your actual life.  Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You can handle anything with enough sprinkles.  Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) The actual forecast for today: Insanity with scattered crazies.]]]]> ]]>