Horoscopes for November 14, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!!!  Play hooky.  Nobody will blame you for taking an extra long weekend. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Stop picking your nose. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) You should take the opportunity to read a book.  It’s been a while since you’ve done so and your grammar is even beginning to sound like you’re in a chat room or sending a text message.  Re-familiarize yourself with the English language.  Might we suggest something?  Try reading the new Stephen King.  It’s pretty good and won’t scare you to death. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Turn up the radio. Aries (March 21 – April 19) In the event of a water landing, your seat can be used as a flotation device. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) When you click the remote, does it make a sound?  We didn’t think so.  Why do you call it a clicker?  We know that it isn’t really a horoscope, but it’s a question that we want answered.  You’re irritating us by calling it a clicker. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Splashdown will occur at approximately 1:15 and 32 seconds. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) If you skip breakfast, you’ll have time for a workout after lunch.  You could use both. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Check the iron.  We’re not convinced that you turned it off. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Take  pen with you today.  The clickable kind.  Then, just to be funny, click it every time you see someone press a button on a remote control. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The balance of power will shift to the dark side.  Use your influence and make sure you pick up some cheese. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) You will be able to score at least 125 points on a single word if you play Scrabble today. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Nobody needs to smell that.  Take some Bean-O.]]]]> ]]>