Horoscopes for October 11, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   If you blink you will miss the fireworks. You wouldn’t want that would you? Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Since Tuesday is now Monday, your whole week will be thrown off. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) If you believe in the power of magic you will accomplish anything today. Like finally being able to be invisible. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) When the work bully starts up his antics today, throw yourself on the floor and cry like a little girl. This tactic will shock his so bad that he will run away. Aries (March 21 – April 19) While you are waiting for your new hip, cool mustache to grow, brush up on your vocabulary. You can’t be hip, cool and dumb. That’s not how it works. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) It is going to rain today. This is not a reminder to take your umbrella, either. You are a grown-up now. We think you are capable of making your own decisions. If you know it is going to rain and do not take your umbrella and catch your death, that is not our fault. So, yeah, it’s going to rain today. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Just when you thought it was safe to open the refrigerator, well, better not spoil the surprise. And, trust us, it’s going to be a huge surprise! Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Whining will get you exactly where your last great big plan got you. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Who thought you would learn so much in the last 24 hours. It is ok to close your mind again. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) You will do what you always do. You will have tons of plans and nothing will actually ever get done. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Spread the sarcasm on thick today. Everyone around you will love and appreciate your particular brand of humor. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) A band of traveling gypsies will mistake you for their long lost cousin. Once the bump on your head goes away, you will come to like your new lifestyle. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Make sure you brush your teeth. That girl who likes to talk directly to your mouth will come by to see you today.]]]]> ]]>