Horoscopes for October 22, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Yippee for you! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) You will begin to talk about yourself in the third person. You should quickly stop it. You will finally break the last nerve of that co-worker on the edge. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) I think I could stay with you for a while, maybe longer if I do. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Beans are a musical fruit! Aries (March 21 – April 19) You will find yourself standing outside a convenience store, leaning against the wall and will suddenly realize that you were not even supposed to be there today! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You should think about what will happen if people actually fire into the bullet-proof metal you just armored your car with. What if that bullet ricochets and hits Fred in accounting? How will you feel then? Gemini (May 21 – June 20) The gates will open upon you today. Good luck staying afloat. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Stop…. Hammer time! Leo (July 23 – August 22) You will be visited by a mysterious figure from your past who will present you with one of your old toys. Touching the toy will drudge up long buried memories from your childhood. Get your therapist on speed dial. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Today is not the day to be adventurous. Try to stick with safe, tried-and-true activities. Halloween is near and you shouldn’t press your luck. Your family has a dark and seedy history at this time of year and Saturdays tend to multiply the darkness. Libra (September 23 – October 22) You will find yourself completely unprepared for the day. You woke up late…. then it went downhill. Get in bed early tonight to make sure tomorrow doesn’t go the same way… as a matter of fact, head back to bed now and save yourself some grief. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) There are piles of – how do we say this… hmmm… OK… The animals have decided that your yard is their litterbox. Be careful on the way to the car. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) It could be worse. No clarification was given to us. This is probably a bad sign.]]]]> ]]>