Horoscopes for October 5, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Better worry about the celebration.  It’s gonna cause some problems. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) They call this Hump-Day… You haven’t been able to make it to the top of the hump and feel like you are headed back in the other direction. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Your Glamour Shots are ready.  It’s about time, you had them taken years ago. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Jeremiah was a bullfrog.  He was a good friend of mine. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.  You actually got out of bed today.  Now go do something productive.. like take a shower. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) There is an important phone call you will miss this afternoon when you go to the bathroom.  This phone call will change your life.  Better hold it. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Oh, darn!  The clouds came out and blocked our view.  Your future is foggy. Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Look pensive today.  People will stop bothering you if they think that you are trying to think about something important. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Stand back.  Let those who know how to lead do what they do. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) There is a smell coming from your refrigerator.  Might we suggest you remove the drawers from the bottom and clean underneath them.  That smell is getting worse and soon, your whole house will smell like that. Libra (September 23 – October 22) The scales are unbalanced once again.  You might want to think about dropping all that dead weight you’ve been carrying around.  Face it.  The relationship isn’t all that great. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) Brushing aside the things that have happened to make your life a nightmare will help you to overcome your very pessimistic attitude and help you to achieve mediocrity. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Make up your own words today.  Try to teach them to other people.  Sooner or later you could develop your own language and people will think that you are a genius.  Look what Gene Roddenberry did with Klingon.]]]]> ]]>